This is not important. Compare and contrast.

Just re-living somethings.
High school has been on a pretty high horse.
Maybe some emotional catharsis needs to take place.
: )

ALSO: Pay attention to the dates.
---


[ No Subject ]
Sunday, December 17, 2006 1:38 PM
To: Claire
From: Jenna

hey.
how have ya been? long time no ... uh... email. i guess thats how you would phrase that. anyways... sorry about when you stopped by and i coulndt answer the door, dad was home and both he and mom would have made both of our lived hell. im really sorry.
so what have you been up to? anything fun? i havent, ive been so stressed out that i havent had time for anything. and my 'friend' justin is the source of that stress. plus, dont be mad like every one else, he got me smoking so ive been runnign around with my head cut off all week and smoking up a storm. ive had two packs easy in this last week. ans the most ive had prior this week was like five cigarettes.
thats how fuckin stressed i am.
i talked to ryan a while ago and he was sliggin some bull shit about me shunnig you? i personally, you knowing how retared i am, havent the slightest clue whats going on. i know i havent talked to you in a while but thats becasue ive been so busy running around being emo that i havent really talked to anyone but sarah and justin (the prick). please, if you would, email me or somthing os i can get teh jist of whats going on so i can fix what ever ive done to you. be warned though, aparently ive been doing shit to a bunch of people, and i have the slightest clue as to what ive done, so im a little pissed at the world, and a llittle extra emo.
so please talk to me so i can correct one friendship and hopefully regain alittle bit of my normal life i once had.

peace out little sis
love ya
jenn


---


[SUBJECT] claire does this mean you hate me?
Thursday, July 28, 2005 8:28 PM
To: Claire
From: Ryan

claire you havent replied to me does this mean you hate me im sorry to bother your life i guess ill leave your life and make it all better again you have your freinds and i dont have mine if you really feel like i should leave and stay out of your life i will and i read your online diary it seems you dont want me around so i though of a few slow ways to kill myself good bye

p.s these are how i will die 1.knee slashing 2. drinking acid 3.remmembering you dont want me around 4.when you blocked me 5.hanging 6.stabing 7.suicide 8.breaking legs and arms 9.knowing you hate me 10. im sorry i ruined your life and i will be ran over by a shreader........im sorry i ruineed your heart good bye unlees you contact me before 10 daysare up

---

RE: ‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Tue 4/19/05 1:57 PM

claire im sorry to hurt you i didnt know you felt like that and im sorry

RE:
From: Claire
To: Ryan

That all you have to say?
Really?
You don't know that it hurts me? When you care about someone, in this case me caring about you, you'd do anything not to see them hurt.
Think about it.
Claire


RE: ‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Wed 6/08/05 4:48 PM

claire im sorry


---


[SUBJECT] ......i miss you‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Tue 7/26/05 4:41 PM

claire.... i havent been eating well or thinking much or even msned much please reply if you dont reply in 30 minutes once you read this i know you wont be around and i know i will go kill myself please remmeber i said these things
please claire i will not eat or sleep untill i can speak to you again


---
(I forgot about this one... He was such a dork.)


[SUBJECT] did you mean it when you told me you loved me?‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Wed 9/14/05 7:34 PM

im going to ask you one question. if you had to forget 1 person who would it be me or jenna if not im going back to my former name.
p.s my name is not ryan my real name is link.
sincearly link. formally known as ryan.

---

(A comment on an online journal entry)

Their reply was:
Subject: me (Ryan)
i cant belive you i did try to change for you but no you have to get all sad when i try to spend time with you geez claire if you dont want me to change the im going to kill my self sorry for trying to change for you!!!

---


[SUBJECT] im so sorry i dont know what i was thinking‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Wed 10/19/05 4:08 PM

im so sorry claire i didnt mean to put you through it all *crying* please forgive me for all the wrong iv done p.please claire your the only one who ever cared.. but i realize now im an ideot now you will never speak to me or have contact with me ever again just please read the rest im am sorry please claire this is the truth if you forgive me please remember i will stop the bull **** im so sorry please forgive me

love ryan

---

From: Ryan
To: Claire
Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2006

im sorry okay i might have been a little high when i started the convo i didnt mean to hurt you ok im sorry


From: Claire
To: Ryan
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2006

Right.


[SUBJECT] what is your problem?‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Fri 4/28/06 2:51 PM

holy claire whats your problem?! i tried to tell you that im sorry but you cant understand that i love you but since you wont accept my apoligy you will alwaysthink that way no onder you kep spazing on me just accept it or move on you wont hear from me again if you dont feel like trusting me again!

ryan


From: Claire
To: Ryan
Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2006

Dammit. Why don't you understand I will always trust you?! Like a moth to flame. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry that right now, I'm an emotional wreck and wished someone were actually HERE to take a little pressure of.
Oh yes.
So very sorry.



[SUBJECT] RE: what is your problem?‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Fri 4/28/06 7:17 PM

you just dont get it iv been getting mind fucked by so many people right now my eemotions are set to angry you think you need pressure off? i do! i am the one so still you want to be friends? fine i will be but i cant love you anymore i love some one else iv had to move on when its over and you decide to smarten up maybye just naybye it might go back to how it was...


From: Ryan
To: Claire
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 2006

i hate when you wont let go o matter how hard i try you cant let me out your so nice to me *sites back* you just wont seem to let me out of your site will you?
ryan

---

From: Ryan
To: Claire
Subject: about the game yesterday
Date: Tue, 30 May 2006

well now that youve had some time to look for good fighting pictures we will have a good battle next time.


From: Claire
To: Ryan
Date: Mon, 29 May 2006

You mean I was supposed to be searching? XD
Can't I just lose?


RE: about the game yesterday‏
From: Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Tue 5/30/06 12:50 PM

no you need to try and win thats the point people wouldent pick on you if you had more confadanse


From: Claire
To: Ryan
Date: Tue, 30 May 2006

Who said anything about confidence? Perhaps I just like to lose.



RE: about the game yesterday‏
From:Ryan
To: Claire
Sent:
Tue 5/30/06 3:56 PM

you better try agenst me next time! i like a challenge try agenst me!


---


From: Ryan
To: Claire
Subject: Finally
Date: Sun, 14 Oct 2007

took you long enough to break it off with me, and now that i know you hate me, i don't feel so bad about you dumping me, sorry it had to end this way, and im sorry if you feel like shit afterwards and want to come back to me, sorry for all the shit iv'e caused to, so what ever, good bye Claire, i love you, always will , until i die, and maybe even longer, hope i see you in heaven...


[SUBJECT] RE: Finally‏
From: Claire
Sent: Sat 10/13/07 9:50 PM
To: Ryan

What the hell is your problem?

I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I want to say to you.
And how you're always fucking messing with me.

And how even if I said I left, I didn't really.
Because you'll always be holding me back.

Sometimes, I sit here and think, wow if only you really understood how things stand.
If only you understood what was really going on.

You know why I care?
Because I love you.
Even though I have friends who will be there for me, just like I'll be there for them.
Even though I know that they'll support me whether I'm a fucking maniac or angry or sad or depressed or if I drop out of school and become a freakin' hobo. Or am a lazy ass who will just live in their basement.
They're going to be there for me.

You, one of the people I always -want- to be there for me?
The one I want to take things seriously, and spell it out like it is, and make it so everything is so clear.
You're always gonna mess me up.

And hey, I've handled it for three years already.
What's a lifetime?

You're just being dumb.
That's what you're being.
You're too scared. Too scared.
Can't take it. If you can't take it, tell me already?
Okay?

Anyway,
I don't believe in heaven.
If this is any telling sign.
Maybe you can call me when you grow up?
Until then.



From: Ryan
To: Claire
Subject: RE: Finally
Date: Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Hey Fuck You! you think i don't get it? You don't get it! you dumb fuck, i never liked you! the only reason i hooked up with you And let you come crawling back to me is to hook up and make you cyber, but fuck i guess that didn't work due to speaking with a fuckin emo kid hwo i never really liked, and Also, i don't give half a fuck about you or even if you do kill your self, i don't give a shit if you llove me and i also don't give a shit about how you feel rigt now.. I've grown up already, Maybe you should!, stop being a fucking clingy bitch and Don't reply to this, go fuckin cry yourself to sleep and hoping ill come back, because i never will, good fuckin riddence to a low life peice of fuckin shit Get the fuck outa my face, yoru wasting my fucking time



[SUBJECT] RE: Finally‏
From: Claire
Sent:
Sat 10/13/07 9:56 PM
To: Ryan

I smiled.

You're trying too hard.




[SUBJECT] On Blockage‏
From: Claire
Sent:
Mon 10/15/07 4:40 PM
To: Ryan

Eat more protein.
Protein regulates shit through your system faster and easier, lessening your chances of getting infected.
Maybe it will improve shitty attitudes, too?


From: Ryan
To: Claire
Subject: RE: On Blockage
Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2007

stop sending me fuckin Emails! and maybe...just maybe eating more protein will improove your shitty face



[SUBJECT] RE: On Blockage‏
From: Claire
Sent:
Wed 10/17/07 9:36 PM
To: Ryan

I can see through your perfect smile

He likes to read books written for girls
Prides himself on being a man of the world
It’s in the darkest places he gets his thrills
He will disappoint you, if you see through his perfect smile

I think separation is ok
You’re no star to guide me anyway
You only wanted me to play the fool


From: Ryan
To: Claire
Subject: RE: On Blockage
Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2007

stop sending me emails YOU DUMB EMO BITCH!!!!



[SUBJECT] RE: On Blockage‏
From: Claire
Sent:
Wed 10/17/07 9:57 PM
To: Ryan

After almost three years, you couldn't be more original? Find something that would actually hurt?

The silence on this end is nonexistant. I'm laughing.


---


[SUBJECT] Random Story‏
From: Claire
Sent: Fri 11/09/07 8:30 PM
To: Ryan

I thought that maybe I would tell a story this time. Song lyrics do get kind of boring, but I do have two years and seven months worth to use on you. Not like I'm going to run out anytime soon.

This will sound cliche, but I'm reading this book called "Love, Stargirl" - it's a sequel of "Stargirl."
And I know what you're saying/thinking, "God, you're so fucking lame." Or "That even sounds dumb, like you *lame laugh*."
It's cool. I just bought it last night, I'm about fifty pages in, not very far, and I'm like, "Why the hell does this remind me of you?" Then I laugh at myself for being a moron.
But I keep wondering... You probably know what it's like.

Random story from this week:
My friends and I were on the bus yesterday morning (because we ride the public transit to school, 'cause we're cool like that), and someone said "Pokemon" in reference to me, because they're crazy like that. My friend Justin and I just randomly started singing "P-o-k-e-m-o-n." Everyone kind of went silent, and they were like, "that was a little creepy how you both sang that together."
It's because people are in tune with me like that.
Just because I'm shallow.

Don't you like how I keep bugging you?
Keep putting myself out there to get hit by you again?
I hate to be a pest, but try something better this time, okay?

P.S.
I decided some lyrics would be fitting:

"Every memory of looking out the back door
I have a photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
its hard to say it,
it's time to say it
Goodbye goodbye"

I wonder if your late-recent obsession with that song was a sign, or something?
: )

Hope you're well.

---

There is a lot of self-derisive laughter right now.
Oh my god, I was a MESS.
Hahahah.
Okay, still am.

It's wierd. I do kind of miss him.
I mean, this February was... the beginning of year five.
: )

- I hope this was good for me in order to write that speech.
Getting in the time frame, if you know.